Помогите в творческой сфере

  • Сразу к делу. Буду безумно благодарна, если поможете отредактировать стих и выявить/исправить ошибки. Огромное уважение тому, кто рискнет сделать это.

    I'll always be your secret crime.
    No one will ever know..
    We hide the evidence In time,
    All fears - is doubts. Your own.

    I'll always be your revelation.
    You can't deny yourself.
    Be free - is our destination,
    You feel my flaming breath.

    I'll always be your naughty wraith,
    Your nightmare In the dark.
    But you prefer this pleasant death,
    Because you like this lark.

    I'll always be your honest shrift,
    I'm part of you, my dear.
    Your freedom - is my fuckin gift.
    I promise to be near..

    I'll always be your torment,
    I'll kill you by the truth.
    Your mind will not be dorment.
    I'm sorry. I love you.

    I'll always be with you.
    Your Demon.

  • I'll always be your revelation.
    You can't deny yourself.
    Be free - is our destination,
    You feel my flaming breath.

    Deny (shoud be "it"), no rhyme 2-4!

  • Your nightmare In the dark.
    But you prefer this pleasant death,
    Because you like this lark.---because you're like?can't get the meaning.?

  • I'll always be your torment,
    I'll kill you by the truth.
    Your mind will not be dorment.
    I'm sorry. I love you. Dormant, perhaps? 2-4 no rhyme. И ритм не выдержан по количеству слогов. Ритм должен быть одинаковым во всех четверостишиях. Я не пишу стихи, но перевожу, поэтому знаю как это делается не понаслышке.

  • All fears - is doubts. Your own.Тоже не очень понятно. Are? А так все нормально. Go ahead.