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  • TEXT. HOW WE KEPT MOTHER'S DAY by Stephen Leacock
    Leacock, Stephen (1869-1944) — a famous Canadian writer of the 20th century. His stories, full of humour and sarcasm, expose the contradictions of life in modem bourgeois society.
    Leacock says that the basis of humour lies in the contrasts offered by life itself, but "the deep background that lies behind and beyond what we call humour is revealed only to the few who. by instinct or by effort have given thought to it."
    So we decided to have a special celebration of Mother's Day. We thought it a fine idea. It made us all realize how much Mother had done for us for years, and all the efforts and sacrifice that she had made for our sake.
    We decided that we'd make it a great day, a holiday for all the family, and do everything we could to make Mother happy. Father decided to take a holiday from his office, so as to help in celebrating the day, and my sister Anne and I stayed home from college classes, and Mary and my brother Will stayed home from High School.
    It was our plan to make it a day just like Xmas or any big holiday, and so we decided to decorate the house with flowers and with mottoes over the mantelpieces, and all that kind of thing. We got Mother to make mottoes and arrange the decorations, because she always does it at Xmas.
    The two girls thought it would be a nice thing to dress in our very best for such a big occasion and so they both got new hats. Mother trimmed both the hats, and they looked fine, and Father had bought silk ties for himself and us boys as a souvenir of the day to remember Mother by. We were going to get Mother a new hat too, but it turned out that she seemed to really like her old grey bonnet better than a new one, and both the girls said that it was awfully becoming to her.
    Well, after breakfast we had it arranged as a surprise for Mother that we would hire a motor car and take her for a beautiful drive away into the country. Mother is hardly ever able to have a treat like that, because we can only afford to keep one maid, and so Mother is busy in the house nearly all the time.
    But on the very morning of the day we changed the plan a little bit, because it occurred to Father that a thing it would be better to do even than to take Mother for a motor drive would be to take her fishing; if you are going to fish, there is a definite purpose in front of you to heighten the enjoyment.
    So we all felt that it would be nicer for Mother to have a definite purpose; and anyway, it turned out that Father had just got a new rod the day before.
    So we got everything arranged for the trip, and we got Mother to cut up some sandwiches and make up a sort of lunch in case we got hungry, though of course we were to come back home again to a big dinner in the middle of the day, just like Xmas or New Year's Day. Mother packed it all up in a basket for us ready to go in the motor.
    Well, when the car came to the door, it turned out that there hardly seemed as much room in it as we had supposed.
    Father said not to mind him, he said that he could just as well stay home; and that he was sure that he could put in the time working in the garden; he said that we were not to let the fact of his not having had a real holiday for three years stand in our way; he wanted us to go right ahead and be happy and have a big day.
    But of course we all felt that it would never do to let Father stay home, especially as we knew he would make trouble if he did. The two girls, Anne and Mary, would gladly have stayed and helped the maid get dinner, only it seemed such a pity to, on a lovely day like this, having their new hats. But they both said that Mother had only to say the word, and they'd gladly stay home and work. Will and I would have dropped out, hut unfortunately we wouldn't have been any use in getting the dinner.
    So in the end it was decided that Mother would stay home and just have a lovely restful day round the house, and get the dinner. It turned out anyway that Mother doesn't care for fishing, and also it was just a little bit cold and fresh out of doors, though it was lovely and sunny, and Father was rather afraid that Mother might take cold if she came.
    So we all drove away with three cheers for Mother, and Father waved his hand back to her every few minutes till he hit his hand on the back edge of the car, and then said that he didn't think that Mother could see us any longer.
    Well, — we had the loveliest day up among the hills that you could possibly imagine.
    It was quite late when we got back, nearly seven o'clock in the evening, but Mother had guessed that we would be late, so she had kept back the dinner so as to have it just nicely ready and hot for us. Only first she had to get towels and soap for Father and clean things for him to put on, because he always gets so messed up with fishing, and that kept Mother busy for a little while, that and helping the girls get ready.
    But at last everything was ready, and we sat down to the grandest kind of dinner — roast turkey and all sorts of things like on Xmas Day. Mother had to get up and down a good bit during the meal fetching things back and forward.
    The dinner lasted a long while, and was great fun, and when it was over all of us wanted to help clear the things up and wash the dishes, only Mother said that she would really much rather do it, and so we let her, because we wanted just for once to humour her.
    It was quite late, when it was all over, and when we all kissed Mother before going to bed, she said it had been the most wonderful day in her life, and I think there were tears in her eyes. So we all felt awfully repaid for all that we had done.

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  • So we decided to have a special celebration of Mother's Day. We thought it a fine idea. It made us all realize how much Mother had done for us for years, and all the efforts and sacrifice that she had made for our sake.
    We decided that we'd make it a great day, a holiday for all the family, and do everything we could to make Mother happy. Father decided to take a holiday from his office, so as to help in celebrating the day, and my sister Anne and I stayed home from college classes, and Mary and my brother Will stayed home from High School.

    Такой большой семье, как наша, она особенно понравилась, и мы тут же решили отпраздновать мамин день Ведь только теперь мы вдруг поняли, как много мама делала для нас все эти годы и как она, не щадя сил и здоровья, трудилась ради нашего блага.

    Поэтому мы решили устроить в честь мамы настоящий семейный праздник и сделать так, чтобы она почувствовала себя счастливой. Чтобы все было как следует, папа решил не идти на службу, мы с Энн не пошли в колледж, а Мэри и Уилл – в школу.

    It was our plan to make it a day just like Xmas or any big holiday, and so we decided to decorate the house with flowers and with mottoes over the mantelpieces, and all that kind of thing. We got Mother to make mottoes and arrange the decorations, because she always does it at Xmas.
    Нам хотелось, чтобы все было так же торжественно, как на рождество или в другой такой же знаменательный день. Поэтому мы решили украсить дом цветами, повесить над камином различные изречения и вообще сделать все как полагается. Разумеется, заняться этим пришлось маме, потому что она всегда украшает дом под рождество.

    The two girls thought it would be a nice thing to dress in our very best for such a big occasion and so they both got new hats. Mother trimmed both the hats, and they looked fine, and Father had bought silk ties for himself and us boys as a souvenir of the day to remember Mother by. We were going to get Mother a new hat too, but it turned out that she seemed to really like her old grey bonnet better than a new one, and both the girls said that it was awfully becoming to her.

    Сестры сказали, что по случаю такого события всем нам нужно одеться как можно красивее, и отправились в магазин купить новые шляпки. Мама сменила на них отделку, и шляпки стали просто прелестны. Папа же купил себе и нам, мальчикам, сувениры в память об этом дне – шелковые галстуки. Маме мы тоже хотели купить шляпку, но оказалось, что она очень любит свой старый серый капор, да и девочки нашли, что он маме страшно идет.

    Well, after breakfast we had it arranged as a surprise for Mother that we would hire a motor car and take her for a beautiful drive away into the country. Mother is hardly ever able to have a treat like that, because we can only afford to keep one maid, and so Mother is busy in the house nearly all the time.
    But on the very morning of the day we changed the plan a little bit, because it occurred to Father that a thing it would be better to do even than to take Mother for a motor drive would be to take her fishing; if you are going to fish, there is a definite purpose in front of you to heighten the enjoyment.
    So we all felt that it would be nicer for Mother to have a definite purpose; and anyway, it turned out that Father had just got a new rod the day before.

    После завтрака маму ждал сюрприз – мы заказали такси и решили устроить ей великолепную поездку за город. Ведь она редко когда выбирается из дому: нам не по средствам держать больше одной прислуги, и мама с утра до вечера занята по хозяйству. А за городом сейчас чудесно, и будет просто замечательно, если мама целое утро проведет на свежем воздухе, наслаждаясь быстрой ездой.

    Однако утром знаменательного дня мы немножко изменили наши планы: папе вдруг пришло в голову, что будет куда лучше поехать с мамой на рыбалку. Папа сказал, что раз машина заказана и за нее уже заплачено, мы можем с таким же успехом отправиться на ней в горы, где есть богатые рыбой речки. Папа вообще считает, что стоит отправиться в путь без определенной цели, как у вас тотчас появится гнетущее ощущение собственной ненужности; а вот если вы едете ловить рыбу, перед вами стоит определенная задача, и это удваивает удовольствие.
    Поэтому мы все согласились, что для мамы будет гораздо лучше, если перед нею встанет определенная задача. Кроме того, оказалось, что как раз накануне папа купил новую удочку.

  • So we got everything arranged for the trip, and we got Mother to cut up some sandwiches and make up a sort of lunch in case we got hungry, though of course we were to come back home again to a big dinner in the middle of the day, just like Xmas or New Year's Day. Mother packed it all up in a basket for us ready to go in the motor.
    Well, when the car came to the door, it turned out that there hardly seemed as much room in it as we had supposed.

    Итак, все было готово. Мы попросили маму приготовить в дорогу сандвичей и еще что-нибудь закусить на случай, если мы проголодаемся, хотя дома нас, разумеется, будет ждать великолепный ранний обед – как на рождество или на Новый год. Мама уложила еду в корзину, и все было готово к поездке.

    Ну, а потом, когда пришла машина, оказалось, что в ней гораздо меньше места, чем мы предполагали,

    Father said not to mind him, he said that he could just as well stay home; and that he was sure that he could put in the time working in the garden; he said that we were not to let the fact of his not having had a real holiday for three years stand in our way; he wanted us to go right ahead and be happy and have a big day.
    But of course we all felt that it would never do to let Father stay home, especially as we knew he would make trouble if he did. The two girls, Anne and Mary, would gladly have stayed and helped the maid get dinner, only it seemed such a pity to, on a lovely day like this, having their new hats. But they both said that Mother had only to say the word, and they'd gladly stay home and work. Will and I would have dropped out, hut unfortunately we wouldn't have been any use in getting the dinner.
    Когда стало ясно, что всем нам в автомобиль не влезть, папа сказал, чтобы мы ехали без него. Он сказал, что преспокойно может остаться дома и потрудиться в саду, где всегда по горло всякой грязной работы: Словом, он твердо решил остаться дома и попросил нас не считаться с такой мелочью, как то, что за последние три года ему еще ни разу не пришлось по-настоящему отдохнуть.

    Конечно, мы все почувствовали, что ни в коем случае нельзя допустить, чтобы отец остался дома, тем более что от этого потом не оберешься неприятностей. Девочки – Энн и Мэри – охотно бы остались дома и помогли прислуге с обедом, но как назло день был такой чудесный и новые шляпки им удивительно шли. Тем не менее они заявили, что, стоит только маме слово сказать, и они без всяких разговоров останутся. Мы с Уиллом тоже готовы были отказаться от поездки, но, к сожалению, дома от нас все равно не было бы никакого проку.

    So in the end it was decided that Mother would stay home and just have a lovely restful day round the house, and get the dinner. It turned out anyway that Mother doesn't care for fishing, and also it was just a little bit cold and fresh out of doors, though it was lovely and sunny, and Father was rather afraid that Mother might take cold if she came.

    В конце концов было решено, что останется мама. Она чудесно отдохнет в пустом доме и заодно приготовит обед, тем более что рыбная ловля едва ли доставит ей такое уж большое удовольствие. Кроме того, папа высказал опасение как бы мама не простудилась в горах: несмотря на солнечный день, воздух был, пожалуй, слишком прохладен и свеж.
    So we all drove away with three cheers for Mother, and Father waved his hand back to her every few minutes till he hit his hand on the back edge of the car, and then said that he didn't think that Mother could see us any long

    И вот, трижды прокричав в честь мамы «ура», мы отправились в путь, а она стояла на веранде и смотрела нам вслед, пока машина не скрылась из виду. Сначала папа махал ей рукой, но потом ушиб палец о задник машины и сказал, что мы уже далеко отъехали и маме нас, наверное, больше не видно.

  • Well, — we had the loveliest day up among the hills that you could possibly imagine.

    It was quite late when we got back, nearly seven o'clock in the evening, but Mother had guessed that we would be late, so she had kept back the dinner so as to have it just nicely ready and hot for us. Only first she had to get towels and soap for Father and clean things for him to put on, because he always gets so messed up with fishing, and that kept Mother busy for a little while, that and helping the girls get ready.
    But at last everything was ready, and we sat down to the grandest kind of dinner — roast turkey and all sorts of things like on Xmas Day. Mother had to get up and down a good bit during the meal fetching things back and forward.
    The dinner lasted a long while, and was great fun, and when it was over all of us wanted to help clear the things up and wash the dishes, only Mother said that she would really much rather do it, and so we let her, because we wanted just for once to humour her.

    Мы провели в горах чудеснейший день.

    Когда мы вернулись, было уже довольно поздно, почти семь часов, но мама догадалась, что мы запоздаем, и сготовила обед точно к нашему приезду; аппетитный и горячий, он очутился на столе, как раз когда мы вошли в дом. Правда, сначала ей пришлось подать папе мыло и полотенце и вычистить ему костюм, потому что папа на рыбалке всегда умудряется бог знает как перепачкаться. Это, да еще туалет девочек, немного задержало маму.

    Но вот наконец все было готово, и мы сели за стол. Обед был великолепный – жареная индейка и всякие вкусные блюда, какие бывают только на рождество. Мама поминутно вскакивала, чтобы принести то одно, то другое;. Обед тянулся долго, и всем было очень весело. А после мы решили помочь маме убрать со стола и вымыть посуду. Но мама сказала, что предпочитает все сделать сама, и мы не стали с ней спорить: ведь это был ее день, и нам хотелось хоть раз сделать маме приятное.

    It was quite late, when it was all over, and when we all kissed Mother before going to bed, she said it had been the most wonderful day in her life, and I think there were tears in her eyes. So we all felt awfully repaid for all that we had done.

    Когда мама управилась со всеми делами, было уже очень поздно. Мы подошли к ней, чтобы поцеловать ее перед сном, и она сказала, что это был самый замечательный день в ее жизни. Как мне показалось, на глазах у нее при этом навернулись слезы. Тут мы почувствовали, что полностью вознаграждены за все наши труды.

  • Вера, спасибо вам большое!

  • Это не мой перевод, я пыталась сократить до вашего текста , где‐нибудь может не совпасть.