Проверьте эссе

  • Посмотрите, пожалуйста, есть ли какие-то ошибки в моём эссе. На смысл, построение текста и т.д. не обращайте внимания, нужна только грамматика.

    Education is an important part of any country because its development and development of whole nation highly depends on it. Proper system of education is a key for better life.
    I think that ideal education should be based on principle “you can study what you want”. Before 5th grade pupil should receive general subjects, after he must choose one of profiles – mathematics, biology, linguistics etc. There should be 80% of primary subjects and 20% of secondary ones. High education must have strictly focus on professional subjects in the same ratio.
    Some people say that everyone have to know all school subjects for “general development of his personality”. I disagree with this because in fact, very many people forget majority of school and university program after ending of studying due to these subjects are not needed for them in real life.
    So we need a general reform of Russian education because, for example, when I study to become a psychologist, psychology proper compose 20% of my educational programme.

  • Education is an important part of any country because its development and THE development of THE whole nation highly depends on it. A Proper system of education is a key for A better life.
    I think that ideal education should be based on THE principle “you can study what you want”. Before THE 5th grade A pupil should receive general subjects, after he must choose one of THE profiles – mathematics, biology, linguistics etc. There should be 80% of primary subjects and 20% of secondary ones. High education must?should (have strictly ? )focus on professional subjects in the same ratio.
    Some people say that everyone have? (has) to know all school subjects for “general development of his personality”. I disagree with this ? (it) because in fact, (very many)a lot of people forget THE majority of school and university programS after ending of studying (due to ) because (these subjects are not needed for them) they don't. need these subjects in real life.
    So we need a general reform of Russian education because, for example, when I study to become a psychologist, psychology proper composeS 20% of my educational programme.

    Кое‐что поправила, но тут еще много чего

  • Спасибо!

    Education is an important part of any country because its development and THE development of THE whole nation highly depends on it. A Proper system of education is a key for A better life.
    I think that ideal education should be based on THE principle “you can study what you want”.
    ...after he must choose one of THE profiles

    Можете объяснить, чем обоснован выбор артикля The в этих случаях?

    (very many)a lot of people

    И ещё вот с этим - я специально не стал писать a lot of, ибо хотел дать оттенок "очень много". Почему very many не подходит?

  • A great many people, a great number of people --очень много с сущ во множественном числе(исчисл) Advanced Grammar in Use.
    В основном, дополнительная конкретизация (развитие чего, принцип какой ), the profiles --уже известное ранее, один из существующих профилей.

  • Very many -можно, но many в утвердительном --формальный стиль, чаще в отрицательном и вопросительном. A lot of чаще встречается просто.

  • the profiles --уже известное ранее, один из существующих профилей.

    Вот с этим я не понял. Я же пишу в тексте смысл, что "В идеальной системе образования... ученик должен будет выбирать себе из профилей - математика, биология и т.д.". Они не существуют сейчас, в реальности; они должны быть в идеальном образовании в моём видении, и я ввожу их в текст. Разве по такой логике не должен быть нулевой артикль (или a в единственном), ибо я ввожу новые понятия?

  • Тут вы тоже говорите профили и поясняете какие, это и есть конкретизация. Это я не увидела пояснение, потому что вы отсекли его в предыдущем варианте.

  • https://ell.stackexchange.com/questions/160788/very-many-when-to-use