A profoundly ugly girl went to the psychiatrist...

A profoundly ugly girl went to the psychiatrist. "My life is a mess, doctor," she began, "I am so fucking hideous that no one will associate with me, touch me, or even talk to me. Can you help?"

"Why, certainly! Helping people feel much better about themselves is my area of expertise. I can start making you feel more confident about your appearance right here and now."

"Oh, I am so grateful! What should I do first?" she asked.

"First things first. Just walk over to the other side of the room and lie face down on my couch."