• The guy rushed into the drug-store: Oh, give me 10 condoms, I'm dating such a pretty hot girl and today I'll have such a night with her... No, give me 20 condoms - her young sister is so nice! No, give 30 - her mother is also so hot-assed.
    The girl invited the boy to have dinner with her family before going out. The mother turned out to be a perfect cook, her father cracked jokes all the time, but the boy was serious and silent. When he went out to smoke the girl said^
    -Johnny, you've never told ma that you are so serious.
    -Jane, you've never told me, that your father works at the drug-store.

  • Букингемский дворец. Утро. У ворот лежит пьяный в дым мужик. Подходит полицейсий:
    -Сэр, здесь нельзя лежать - здес проезжает королева.
    -I fucked your Queen.
    -In bed!
    -I'm sorry sir!

  • Два друга. Один спраивает:
    -Мы с тобой курим одну и ту же марку сигарет. Я скуриваю 3, а ты одну. Как?
    -Я надеваю презерватив на сигарету.
    Парень вбегает в аптеку:
    -Gimmi one condom, please.
    -For man? For woman?
    -For camel.
    -Oh, king size!!!

  • Группа туристов в Америке. Гид говорит:
    -Если вы потерялись и к вам пристают требуйте нашего консула.
    Двое забрели в Гарлем. Из подворотни выходит 2-х метровый негр-сутенер:
    -Gentleme, do you need a woman?
    -A man?
    -A boy or a girl!
    -Some animal?
    -No! Ukrainian Consul, please.
    -Possible, but very expensive.

  • American Immigration Control.
    -Abdul Al Rashid.
    -3-4 times a day.
    -No, I mean male or female?
    -Male, famale, sometimes camels.

  • Professor comes into the room. All the students are loughing and crying. Professor says^
    -Gentlemen, order!
    All the students together^
    -Beer, please!

    In the room for clothes on the hanger it is written: "Only for teachers!", underneath "You can also hang your coats and hats.

    Conversation in the WC between the students:
    Cambridge student (washing his hands) - We were taught that after taking a piss on should wash hands.
    Oxford student: - And we were taught not to piss on our hands.

  • Salesman of the Year!!! The best story when I heard!