MY TWO DELICATE OPERATIONS
Humor story by Larry Graves
MY TWO "DELICATE" OPERATIONS
A few years ago, I had two operations in the space of a couple of
months. These were not major operations. Although for most men, I
believe they would prefer triple heart bypass surgery instead... No man
alive has ever looked forward to either of these operations. In fact, I can
guarantee you the following statements have never been said by any
man in existence:
#1 "Oh good, today is my vasectomy!"
#2 "Oh good, I'm finally getting the circumcision I've always wanted!"
Yes, dear readers, 1990 was not a good year for a member of the family.
My member, my private part, my willy, my manhood, my good luck charm
I carry wherever I go.
First I will tell you about the vasectomy. (I hope you have strong
stomachs.) Men who know I've had this delicate operation always ask
me how bad it is. I tell them the truth. Except for the unbearable pain and
embarrassment, it's not bad at all. The embarrassment of laying on the
operating table as the doctor strolls in, so cocksure. (Pun very much
intended...) Let's just say,it was very uncomfortable when the doctor
lifted up the blanket to look at his next job. Very perturbed, he stated "Mr.
Graves, in order to have a vasectomy, you have to have a penis." I
assured the doctor that it was there. I pointed to the very spot it was
located. The doctor sighed heavily and murmured "I can't see dick all!"
As the doctor tried to control his anger, he asked his nurse to bring in a
microscope. After searching for a few minutes, he located what he
believed to be my manhood (okay, boyhood...) I could be imagining
things but I swear I heard some discussion about contacting the
Guinness Book of World Records.
The operation honestly wasn't too bad. It was actually the constant laughter during the operation which caused me the most pain. When the
vasectomy was completed, I was thrown a couple of pain killers and told
I could go home. Very gingerly I walked out of the hospital. My legs
spread apart as far as possible as I shuffled towards the parking lot.
Needless to say, everyone who saw me knew what operation I had just
had. As people gawked and pointed at me, I felt like a real dick.
The circumcision was basically the same, except I was knocked out for
the operation. When I awoke from the operation, I felt like I was being
woken up from the dead. I looked down at "it" and noticed it was in
some kind of cast. I started to have visions of girls wanting to sign my
cast. Silly dreamer I am... Being the comedian I am, I asked the nurse if
they had enlarged it for me. She stared at me in shock and said "I don't
Another dream shattered...
sent by Larry Graves
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