TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY
6969 Slippery Root Drive Droptrouser, NC 22269
Dear John Doe,
We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model and represent our product, TROJAN CONDOMS.
Although your general appearance is not displeasing, our Board of Directors feels that your wearing of our product in the advertisement does not portray a positive, romantic image for our product. A loose baggy and wrinkled condom is NOT considered romantic.
We did admire your efforts to try and firm it up by using Polygrip, but even then it slipped off before we could get the photographs taken. We would like to note, however, that yours is the first we've seen that looked like a bicycle grip.
We appreciate your interest and thank you for your time. We will retain your application for future consideration, if by chance we decide that there is a market for micro-mini condoms.
We send greetings and our deepest sympathy.
Yours very truly,
Burley Dick, President TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY, INC.
P.S. Remember our slogans:
Cover your stump before you hump. Don't be silly, protect your Willie. Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it!